9-18-17 . THEY SAY THE BEST TIME TO WRITE IS WHEN YOU ARE SAD OR HURT OR LONELY OR THAT YOU FEEL ELATED OR ON A MOUNTAIN TOP HIGH.
What if your dog dies?
I had to put my dog down today. I have been crying ever since. I cried yesterday too, I cried a week ago. I cry because at first, I knew this day would come. I knew he was getting worse, having trouble walking etc. Shepherds get that where their legs get paralysis in them. Their spine starts showing. I kept him around for me. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to be the one to end his life. I knew he had a good life, a strong life, he loved a girl, he had a family, actually two families, one of his own and all of us. He was never on a leash except when I went to the vet or He was in training. He loved only one girl dog all his life. He was a very good pet, he was part of the family, his real name was Sir Boomerang Avalanche. He was 11 years old. I loved him. I still do. He is gone now and lives only in my memories. He had the best life a dog could have, he lived on 10 acres and could poop anywhere. He had steak and ribs more times than I can count. He got to chase anything he wanted. He got to sleep on a sunny deck and jump in the snow in Winter. I took him camping and fishing with me. He lived a very good, long life. I think dogs should last forever. I wish he could have lasted my entire life but alas I had to let him go. I am not sure all this coming and going is very good at all. I do not like death, not in the least. I know it wasn't meant to be like this from the beginning but I understand why things must die. I understand the circle of things, I just don't like it sometimes. So here I am with my heart in my hands. I am exhausted and tired from all these tears. I know life must go on but my heart aches. I will get over it, eventually, but for now, I will lean into the pain and let it absorb me so I can grieve long and hard and then it can be over and I will have closure. I am not brave or strong today, I am just a sad little girl who loved her puppy. I know many of you who hurt and have lost and have loved. It will be another sunny day again, I promise.
